LOVE, HOT SAUCE & GASKETS
By Lishune Mahone
It was a brisk Sunday night, my birthday, and my sorority sister asked to take me out to a hot Brazilian eatery known for it’s pricey but delectable cuisine. I accepted because, much to my chagrin, this had been my best offer of the day. Within moments of sitting, we placed our cards on the table to signal we were ready to receive heaping helpings of mouthwatering fire-roasted meat, then it began…
“You really should consider it,” she said.
“Consider what?” I retorted.
“Online…,”she started.
“Don’t…,” I warned.
“Dating,” she finished.
“No, ma’am,” I shot back.
“You should,” she continued.
“I shouldn’t, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.” With that, I thought I had concluded the conversation.
“If you don’t, I’m going to sign you up on a few sites,” she said and quickly raised her menu to cover her face.
The nerve! This woman had never had a good online dating experience. The last guy who swiped his way into her life thought it was a good idea on the second date to expose himself to her. Yes, please, sign me up without delay! Ultimately, we agreed to table the conversation, and we went on to have a great evening. No harm, no foul.
With that said, I would be lying if I said I’d never given online dating at least a passing thought. I sometimes wonder if it’s worth a shot. I wonder if I’m one swipe away from a mate. According to Pew Research, three-in-ten Americans have used online dating. Pew confirmed 12% have found a committed relationship with or married someone they met through an online site or app.
Through an odd twist of fate, my Digital Design class group assignment is on the topic of online dating. Surprisingly, a classmate volunteered herself and her husband to tell the story of how they found love in the digital age.
Deanna Trejo and Erich Theiss had reached the point in their lives where they were looking for a relationship. They both decided the best way to find a relationship was to cast a wide net through online dating. Deanna chose Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, Erich chose Plenty of Fish, Match.com, and OkCupid. They matched and met on OkCupid.
What drew you to each other’s profiles?
Erich: I didn’t see Deanna on my list ever. I had a bunch of bad matches. I’d go out on dates, and they weren’t working. I saw OkCupid had a search bar, and I thought to myself I like the Muppets, so I typed that in the search bar. It pulled up a bunch of profiles that match, and Deanna was one of them. We were a 98% match. I looked at her profile, and she was someone I wanted to meet.
Deanna: One of my profile pictures was of me picking the nose of a statue of a hippopotamus; I think that attracted him to me.
Erich: Yes, it did.
Who made the first move?
Erich: I reached out through e-mail on the site. They have a chat function, but I don’t like using that.
Deanna: Me, either. The only guys that use the chat function are sending d*** pics or verbal stuff that’s akin to it. When he e-mailed, I made sure we sent a few e-mails back and forth to make sure he is who he says he is. I read his profile, he seemed to be good. His photos were a little more enigmatic or less representative of him. His profile picture was Kermit The Frog.
How was the first date?
Deanna: I suggested we go to Pick Me Up Café in Wrigleyville. On a first date, you don’t want to overcommit yourself. I like finding casual cafés that are open, so I can have an easy exit. I was overly cautious because you hear crazy horror stories in the news. I would text a friend to tell them where I was going. I’d send her the profile and say, “If you don’t hear from me, this is who you gotta go look for.” There was never any reason to worry. It was nice.
Erich: It was the day before Halloween. She had a costume half-on, half-off. She had an eye patch and gear sitting on the table. I thought this is who this is, and she’s a pirate. It wasn’t off-putting, I understood it.
Deanna: Did I seem like I was into role-playing?
Erich: No (laughs).
Deanna: We hugged, I gave him my phone number, and we scheduled a second date.
How did you know this was someone special?
Deanna: I trusted him with anything I would tell him. He keeps his word. I trust his character, he makes good decisions, and I really enjoyed his company.
Erich: I really enjoyed Deanna’s company. I felt comfortable just being with her in ways that I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable with other people before.
When did you know it was time to stop dating other people?
Deanna: I didn’t have the bandwidth to try to go on dates with more than one person at a time. I don’t recall contacting anybody or being invested in anybody during that time.
Erich: I didn’t go out with anybody else. I had a few people I messaged just to be friends and then eventually stopped messaging.
Deanna: I had a three-date rule. By the third date, he still wasn’t showing any sign of being interested in me. He still wanted to go on a date, but he wasn’t showing interest. I’m a modern woman, I don’t mind taking a few steps of my own. I spoke to a friend about it, and she said I should employ Operation Smooch. She said, “He’s just shy, so you have to make the first move. Help him out, give him the first kiss.” So on our fifth date, we went to the Christkindlmarket. We were sitting on a bench, it got quiet, so I reached over and popped him a kiss on the cheek. We had an awkward kiss before, but by the Christkindlmarket, it was a proper kiss.
Erich: I reciprocated. I was like, okay, okay, this will work. I’m feeling more comfortable. It takes me a while to get there.
Deanna: We made it Facebook official sometime after Christmas.
WHEN DID YOU START THINKING OF MARRIAGE?
Erich: Six months in, I gave her Taco Bell hot sauce packets that said Will You Marry Me and I do. I wanted to get a place together first. I wanted to see how we live together.
Deanna: I was very adamant that it better be short term because I’m not moving in to be your live-in girlfriend for a long time.
Erich: That was June, I proposed in July.
How did you propose?
Erich: It was the 4th of July, I made dinner. I proposed before the fireworks.
Deanna: He made a playlist of all kinds of love songs, including Bert & Ernie’s “I Like You,” Al Green’s “Let’s Get Married.” He proposed with …
Erich: A ring pop.
Deanna: I came prepared with rubber gaskets, from Home Depot, cuz I had a feeling this was going to happen. Three-quarter inch, it fits perfectly, it’s still our engagement ring. They don’t break.
Do you have any advice for those who are still searching on online apps for love and commitment?
Deanna: I read a book. It gave straight-forward advice. It wanted you to not take everything too seriously and think that this first date is definitive of who this person is. It kinda gave me a reality check and a broader picture of just being a human on a date. It’s just getting to know somebody, if you hit it off and you can get along with them and enjoy their company, that’s half the battle. The secret about dating is first impressions are just first impressions. You’re not going to find out until investing time and effort into getting to know somebody that this is a relationship that can work out.
Erich: It’s not going to be some magic thing. Don’t have too high expectations, don’t have too low expectations. Don’t automatically cut someone off after one bad interaction. If you’re a guy, you definitely have to be cognizant that there are other guys out there who are creeps. A woman is going to be cautious. Don’t take offense to that at all.
